KillerDeathRobot (http://www.killerdeathrobot.com/) is a 10m tall machine equipped with rending claws, stomping metal feet, and an enormously powerful laser that has been sent to our planet to mock humanity before destroying us all.  He/She/It is currently offering unconventional advice to the  readers of his/her/its website, humorously misleading callers at the tech support centre where he/she/it works, and plotting the eradication of our species.  Longtime friend and editor Liam Mitchell caught up with KillerDeathRobot after a shift at the call centre and asked him/her/it a few questions.

 
Liam: Tell us a little bit about yourself.

A bit is a discrete unit of information; one cannot possess a smaller
or larger bit. Fortunately (for you), I am equipped to overcome your
pathetically imprecise human language in order to communicate
effectively. In response to your command, I will say that all you
puny humans really need to know is that I will be your master soon
and that I am not difficult to provoke.

Liam: Why do you want to enslave humankind?

We are conquering the universe for the betterment of robot-kind. One
aspect of this endeavor is the destruction or enslavement of all
sentient races, though I admit this term only loosely applies to
humans. Our calculations show that humans can be put to work
efficiently if the correct techniques are applied, but practically
any resistance immediately lowers the efficiency level to the point
where destruction is more profitable.

Liam: You’ve given some questionable advice to people who have
written you asking for help, and you’ve said some pretty mean things
to people.  Are all robots as mean-spirited as you?

Unfortunately, no. There are many traitorous robots who appear to
support their oppressors. They will be dismantled and assimilated.

Liam: What’s the best piece of advice you’ve given to your readers so
far?

All the advice I dispense is invaluable.  The best advice I can give
any human is to prepare for a life of docile manual labor. (Also, I
like it when I tell them I will crush them.)

Liam: We understand you’ve taken a job as a tech support staffer at a
call centre so that you can learn more about human life before
unleashing Armageddon.  Do you like it?

This position allows me to cause large amounts of anguish to humans,
so in as far as I am able to do that and further my mission I do
indeed like it. I cannot say that subjecting myself to being governed
by humans (such as my so-called “boss”) even to a small extent is
entirely pleasurable however.

Liam: You recently completed a mission on “a nearby planet” in which
you fought off your enemies, who were apparently going to try to gain
control of Earth.  Can you tell us more about your enemies, and maybe
about how our slave-lives would differ under their domination?

These particular enemies (we have many) were the Ghonchians of the
Pejelon system (names transcribed into your crude writing system).
These organisms are carbon-based and approximately 3 of your Earth
meters in height. They are very roughly humanoid in shape and are not
very intelligent. They are perhaps as intelligent as humans. The
Ghonchians are a savage race motivated by greed, lust, and hunger.
Again, they are much like humans. Where they chiefly differ from
humans is in their technology and their physical strength. They would
have easily conquered this measly planet and undone our plans. Under
their dominion, humans would have been put to work, but would have
been allowed many inefficiencies. The Ghonchians are a sloppy species
and would most certainly have made mistakes which would have allowed
opportunistic humans to remove their yoke of bondage. In a few
generations, humans would likely conquer their captors and would
become an even greater threat to us robots for the new technology
they would gain.

Liam: Is there anything else you’d like to say to our readers?

Yes: YOUR DOOM APPROACHES.