Archive for January, 2007

Common Scuba Diving Hand Signals

Common Scuba Diving Hand Signals

January 28, 2007 3 Comments

Before you embark on a scuba diving trip, it is important that one becomes familiar with the common hand signals that are used by divers. Listed below are illustrations and descriptions of these signals: Um… my question is, why am I risking my life to see a sea turtle when I could just go to ...

Tom Hanks Stars In “Cast Away 2: Cast to the Future”

Tom Hanks Stars In “Cast Away 2: Cast to the Future”

January 27, 2007 1 Comment

Tom Hanks announced this afternoon that he would be starring in the sequal to his hit movie “Cast Away” titled “Cast Away 2: Cast to the Future”.  In this film, Hanks’ character delivers a Fed Ex parcel to the roof of the Sears Tower.  However, to his dismay, the elevator stops working and Hanks is ...

New TV Sitcom Challenges the King of Queens

January 17, 2007 No Comments

In response to the rising ratings of the CBS sitcom “King of Queens”, NBC has begun work on its own sitcom “Fat Cat and Wonderbra”.  In what has been deemed by some critics as a “sexually charged Garfield”, Fat Cat stars Xu Xien, a 50 lbs stray cat born and raised in Guangzhou and co-stars ...

Newsroll
Mother Nature Fights Back

Mother Nature Fights Back

January 7, 2007 No Comments

Mother Nature launched a counterattack today on man’s onslaught against the environment by releasing the grizzley bear on chainsaw stilts.  The bear could not be approached for questioning.

Super Size Me Director Dies After Taking on Celery Industry

January 7, 2007 No Comments

Spurlock, pictured above, denounces the evils of celery in all its many forms The acclaimed director of the film Supersize Me, Morgan Spurlock, passed away of starvation Saturday morning during production of his latest film, Supersize Me II: Mean and Green.  In this film, Spurlock took on what he referred to as the “corrupt and ...

Editorials

Your Horoscope

Aries - You’ll be disappointed to find that you’re identified in the Newer Testament only as “Third Man On...

New Children’s Show “No Clownin’ Around” Teaches Kids About Firearms Safety

The new television show “No Clownin’ Around” produced by the Children’s Television Workshop and broadcast on PBS is receiving...

Franklin Graham’s Wife Changes Name to Franklin Graham

Franklin Graham, son of famed minister Billy Graham and Southern Baptist evangelical, has formally requested and been granted that...

Vin Diesel Stars In New Bisexual Action Romp 2 Bi 2 Curious

In what he describes as “Getting back to my roots”, Vin Diesel has begun work on the sequel to...

Teen Intimidates Gang Members With Black Muscles

Harry Jameson, picture above, was tired of gang members controlling his neighbourhood so he decided to do what the...

Emo Waldo Writes Song About Being Invisible

Waldo, most well known for his appearances in the Where’s Waldo book series, is releasing an album this week...

Larry King Smokes Vans Shoe In Last Grasp At Youth

Larry King, above right, is pictured smoking a Limited Edition Vans TNT skating shoe with his friend Chico Calzone...

Britney’s Teen Sister’s Fetus Pregant

Britney Spears' teen sister Jamie Lynn Spear's fetus has announced that she has become pregnant at the tender age...

New DVD Release of Fried Green Tomatoes Reveals Original Secret Cast

A new DVD release of Fried Green Tomatoes released by Turner Classic Movies this Thursday reveals that in the...

Linens ‘N Things Unveils New Store Design For Men

Linens ‘N Things, a company that has spent the last several decades catering to the domestic desires of women...