Archive for May, 2006

Your Infatuation With Steamrollers Really Pisses Me Off

May 30, 2006 No Comments

By Tit Winklestein We get along most of the time, you and me.  I’ve never been in any big arguments with you.  I’d even let you watch my dog if I went on vacation or trust you to get my mail without reading it.  But there’s one thing about you that really pisses me off, ...

Editorials
Top Ten Tips on Throwing a Party During a Nuclear Holocaust

Top Ten Tips on Throwing a Party During a Nuclear Holocaust

May 20, 2006 No Comments

Nuclear holocaust; the very phrase strikes fear into all those who cherish the progress of humanity, and excitement in those who’ve invested their savings in uranium stocks.  We also know that it’s an inevitable event.  But instead of focusing on the negative Newsicus would like to help you find the silver lining on that radioactive ...

Edutainment

Your Horoscope

Aries - You’ll be disappointed to find that you’re identified in the Newer Testament only as “Third Man On...

New Children’s Show “No Clownin’ Around” Teaches Kids About Firearms Safety

The new television show “No Clownin’ Around” produced by the Children’s Television Workshop and broadcast on PBS is receiving...

Franklin Graham’s Wife Changes Name to Franklin Graham

Franklin Graham, son of famed minister Billy Graham and Southern Baptist evangelical, has formally requested and been granted that...

Vin Diesel Stars In New Bisexual Action Romp 2 Bi 2 Curious

In what he describes as “Getting back to my roots”, Vin Diesel has begun work on the sequel to...

Teen Intimidates Gang Members With Black Muscles

Harry Jameson, picture above, was tired of gang members controlling his neighbourhood so he decided to do what the...

Emo Waldo Writes Song About Being Invisible

Waldo, most well known for his appearances in the Where’s Waldo book series, is releasing an album this week...

Larry King Smokes Vans Shoe In Last Grasp At Youth

Larry King, above right, is pictured smoking a Limited Edition Vans TNT skating shoe with his friend Chico Calzone...

Britney’s Teen Sister’s Fetus Pregant

Britney Spears' teen sister Jamie Lynn Spear's fetus has announced that she has become pregnant at the tender age...

New DVD Release of Fried Green Tomatoes Reveals Original Secret Cast

A new DVD release of Fried Green Tomatoes released by Turner Classic Movies this Thursday reveals that in the...

Linens ‘N Things Unveils New Store Design For Men

Linens ‘N Things, a company that has spent the last several decades catering to the domestic desires of women...